My Son Wouldn't Let Me Hold Him, So I Did These 6 Things To Get Close To Him
As a dad, I always take pride in saying that I’ve been greatly involved in raising our two sons. It isn’t without its challenges though because I didn’t know anything about handling a baby when our eldest son was born because I’m an only child.
My Son Wouldn't Let Me Hold Him, So I Did These 6 Things To Get Close To Him
Thankfully, I overcame those challenges because I asked the nurses at St. Luke’s BGC to teach me how to carry a baby and how to bathe an infant.
Aside from that, I learned to trust my gut feel. You’d be surprised with how accurate your gut feel as a parent is. Beyond any logic or reason, you just know that you’re right without any doubt.
A new challenge arrives: my baby is snubbing me
When our second son was born, I knew taking care of him would be a breeze for me because I’d just be repeating an old routine such as feeding, changing diapers, lulling him to sleep, and so on. However, something I didn’t expect and not quite right suddenly happened; my son was snubbing me.
In fact, it was worse because it felt like he was rejecting me, he would cry incessantly whenever I took him from his Mommy. He’d also let his yaya (nanny) and grandma hold him, but with me, it was like I was a stranger ready to take him away anytime.
Sure, there were moments when I can put him to sleep or carry him for an extended period of time but those were very rare. Oftentimes, he would just cry until I gave up and handed him over to his Mommy.
I know I had to solve this dilemma soon not just because I didn’t want to break my track record of being an involved dad (haha!) but I wanted to give his Mommy time to rest. One thing about our second baby is that he was so demanding, he was feeding almost every two hours.
How I slowly created a bond with my baby
I was thinking of ways to earn my baby’s trust and create a bond with him. With our eldest son still a demanding toddler, I had to trust my instincts again because I didn’t have the luxury of time to read up and research about our situation.
Thankfully though, after a month or two of doing some simple adjustments, I was able to finally earn my second baby’s trust and allowed me to hold him. It wasn’t instant in the sense that he was suddenly happy that it was me who was carrying him but at least I could carry him much longer as compared before. That was the moment that I was waiting for and I slowly built his trust over the next few months.
Here’s how I did it:
1. I held our baby as much as I can
Until now, I haven’t figured out why my son acted that way to me. One theory I had, though I had no basis for it, was that I wasn’t holding him as much as I held his older brother, so he couldn’t recognize me or my scent.
When we were at the hospital, I wasn’t able to take him out for a morning sunlight session because it was raining. When we got home, they had to be in a separate room because my older son is sick.
Anyway, what I did was to try to hold him as much as I can. At night, I would take him from his Mommy after feeding and then burp him and let him sleep on my tummy. I did that religiously even if that meant having three hours of sleep. What’s more, it was also advantageous for Mommy because she had more sleep since our infant boy also slept longer as compared to when we put him in the crib.
2. I always gave our baby a bath
I think bathing your baby is another good bonding opportunity with him. For us though, bath time was just another instance of great crying fits. Nonetheless, I carried on and gave him a bath because I think bath time is a great opportunity to earn your baby’s trust. The water feels foreign to a child but if you are there to hold him, he will feel at ease. Eventually, my son eased up and began to enjoy bath time with me.
3. I bottle-fed our baby
Breastfeeding creates a strong bond between mother and baby. However, that does not mean that you, as a dad, can’t participate in this amazing moment.
For our case, Mommy would pump milk so that we can stock up a continuous supply. That also meant that I would have the chance to bottle feed my son when I’m around. I think it helped because he wouldn’t be crying when I was bottle feeding him and I could hold him longer.
4. I played with our baby all the time
It’s never too early to play with your little child. Playtime is a great way to bond with your baby as well as to put him at ease with you. You can kiss him, hold him, and tickle his tummy. Whatever it is that would make him smile or laugh, do it because that means that he’s enjoying it.
5. I talked to our baby often
Your voice can be soothing to your baby so talk to him every chance that you can get. You’d be surprised how intently your little baby will listen to you when you talk to him. Aside from that, talking to your baby is a great way to introduce words to him early on. He might not learn those words immediately but surely he’d be able to absorb them quickly later on.
6. I read a book to our baby whenever I can
Again, it’s never too early to read a book to your baby. As such, I would put our youngest baby beside me on the bed when I read to his brother. I think it had a similar effect as talking to him because he would listen intently even if he didn’t understand what I was saying. Anyway, those moments provided us with a good bonding opportunity.
Epilogue
Fatherhood holds many surprises. You might think that you know it all but there will always be unforeseen circumstances along the way. In my case, when our second baby was born, I thought I would go through the same routine but I was wrong. My baby doesn’t want me to hold him. However, that did not stop me from forming a bond with him until we became close.
His Mommy may still be his favorite person in the whole world but, just the same, we also have our moments together.
Have you experienced a similar situation with your baby? How did you overcome it?
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